How good is an insurance policy?

I recently attended a funeral which was very moving and deeply emotional.  It was the funeral of someone younger than me.     As a student of the human condition, I tend to believe that there is no intrinsic meaning attached to anything, except that which we construct and attach ourselves.  There was a lot of meaning attached to this particular ceremony.   Underlying this meaning making, there were complex psychological processes at work but how does that meaning arise?

In trying to make sense of something which is beyond our human understanding, we tend to fall back on the culture and the symbols and the rites around the ultimate uncertainty that is death and in this case, very Catholic rites.    All the senses were activated in the ceremony. The architecture, the religious art, set the dominating solemn peaceful tone and was to be seen all about.  The music and the singing were celestial in their aural impact and seemed to sauté the emotions of the occasion.  The wafts of incense attacked my sense of smell and transported me back to my childhood in other churches. There was a certain familiarity to the feel of the pew.

The quiet respect observed by those in attendance and the kinaesthetic feel was one of peace, reverence and solemnity.   It was very much a rolling stage of altered consciousness, where, the world going by close outside, was suspended as it were.  Time passed slowly inside for us the actors.   I could almost describe it as hypnotic, in the sense of waking trance.    This is all so familiar, a moving and beautiful ceremony and a collective human response to such a terribly sad event.     It was a sharing of grief.    It was a community of support. It was a very social occasion.  But does one need religious belief to provide that scaffold in times of bereavement?

To maybe answer that question we might understand that from an early age we are conditioned and habituated into our own unique and particular context of meaning.  This is by definition very different if you are Catholic, Protestant or Muslim.   As an infant one has no understanding of this but over time we are socialised and learn and develop in this cultural context.  We begin to absorb the meaning of our tribe.  It becomes part of our biology.   In a very real way the funeral ceremony as it was constructed from the Catholic tradition, primed all the senses in the service of a belief that we can transcend death, but, and this is the point, without any evidence that this is the case.

However, evidence from biology and psychology gives us an understanding of how we respond to fear and uncertainty. We tend to distort our thinking.  We predict the future favourably.  We jump to preferred conclusions.  We mind read.  This is a very normal and well understood human reaction to stressful situations.   We construct our own reality. Why I ask should it be any different with death?   It isn’t because for us human’s, death is the ultimate stress event with which we have to come to terms.

Recently, I asked a friend how she might react if a door to door salesman arrived at her house and suggested that for a monetary consideration, which could be negotiated, he would organise an insurance policy for the next life.  A weekly contribution of a couple of Euros or maybe more if one could afford it, a few minor obligations at the weekend and all would be sorted.  She looked at me as if I had more than the obligatory one head.  “What do you think I am, a complete fool”?  No, I said but, is that not in effect, what is suggested, when religions offers the same service.

What is at issue perhaps is the rational and well understood human responses to bereavement and loss and the irrational and non evidential offerings of all religions when it comes to the ultimate uncertainty.  The ceremony was moving without doubt, but purely because of the power and capacity of people to support each other in times of uncertainty and to do what is right.  That was the very necessary reality.  This is what makes us special and when push comes to shove, emotionally intelligent.    It is our ability to make sense and meaning out of our existence and to respond in appropriate ways.    It should not arise out of fear and some implied insurance policy to be cashed in on the other side.

Coming to your senses in West Kerry or The Day of the Mindful Stick.

Every story and journey starts with a beginning.  This might be self evident but when you gather a group of strangers together for the first time, that beginning, in terms of the “Me” and the “Us”, can be very uncertain.      All interaction and group process is ultimately about a conversation and relationships.     It is at this point of tentative beginnings, that you realise, that there is no such thing as a self managing group.   The need for facilitation of some sort to begin the process of group development is obvious.  The need for leadership is also evident, if only to build trust at the level of the “Me” and “Us”.

On Saturday 22^nd May, a disparate group of individuals of unique experience and enormous potential gathered in the Community Hall, Castlegregory, in what can only be described as Costa Del weather.   They did so out of a curiousity to explore the concept of mindful walking and also the notion of what it really means to come to our senses.

The day long programme started with an introduction to the untapped power of that brain that we all possess.    In fact two brains were described.    One an intuitive Stone Age brain which works rapidly in response to perceived threat.  That brain protects us, along with adding richness to our experience.    At its most efficient, it is that gut feeling which points us in the direction of our passion and what works best for us. At its worst, it is an inner critic that can distort our thinking and limit our possibilities in so many negative ways.

The other is a logical, rational, analytical brain which given enough time, has wonderful powers, but which binds us to the notion of results and avoids the possibility of intuitive emergent outcomes.   Einstein once said “The rational mind is a faithful servant; the intuitive mind a sacred gift. The paradox of modern life is that we have begun to worship the servant and defile the divine”.   The tension that arises between both brains can lead us all into a vortex of continuous mindless doing.    When is enough enough?  The challenge is to find the balance. That is the balance of not only doing in a mindful way but also, paradoxically, on occasions doing nothing but “Being”.

Having completed part one of the programme and having nominated a “Taoiseach” for the day, the group was introduced to Timothy Sweeney from the Kalyana Centre for Mindfulness in Clohane.   I know that each one was moved in their own way by Timothy’s powerfully gentle way of “Being” (In the moment).   However for me, when he invited us to stand and experience the constant motion that we are, I really understood our individual energy and the power of paying attention in a mindful way.  It was certainly a challenge to maintain our physical balance but also perhaps to maintain balance at the level of our own thinking and emotions. He invited us to come to our senses and to take that understanding with us on our journey to Annauscaul.   I feel that we all did that at the level of our awareness but we had much to learn about what that meant where the “Me” and the “Us” intersect.

When walking the metaphor of the journey is powerful. We had a very well specified goal of reaching the South Pole Inn but that was really not the point.  It was about the journey. Could it be the same with all the other goals we set ourselves?   All the while our own personal style, temperament and even uncertainties intermingled with our responsibility to the group.  “Should I slow up the group to deal with my own issue?”  Why not take a different direction”?  Maybe we didn’t come here on our own terms really.

As mentioned previously, it is not about getting to the destination.   It is about what you can learn on the way.  Stopping to look how far we have come.   Stopping to rest when necessary.   Stopping to celebrate.  Stopping to be more aware of how connected we are.  There is no need to rush to closure. The end will come soon enough.

The really interesting thing is where does the “Me” (Self) end and where does the group (“Us”) begin. Psychology has much to say about social conformity and the secret life of groups but to what degree does the group limit individual potential and to what degree do we have to accept that?   All interesting questions but perhaps for another day.

On the journey through Maghnabo (Pasture of the cows) it is almost impossible not to connect to your senses.   It is also impossible not to understand how far we have come from the challenges of living in a famine village.  It is hard not to be impressed by the enormity of the glaciated valley of Maghnabo as you arrive at the headwall and there appears to be no way out. There is; up and more.

We made our way steadily out of the valley, gaining over one thousand feet in the process. It was a challenge but taking it “Poly Poly”, we arrived at our lunch stop.

The second part of the day saw the “Taoiseach” lead his group into the heart of the Dingle Peninsula. Three hundred and sixty degree vistas were truly breathtaking and inspiring.  In the moving conversation as we went, relationships were beginning to form in exchanges of interests, past experiences, challenges and success.  Having traversed the peninsula, a series of switchbacks saw us arrive at Lake Annauscaul where our transport was waiting to take us to the South Pole Inn.

The South Pole Inn is a veritable museum. It was also home to Tom Crean of Antarctic fame.  We chatted about the learning of the day in the context of personal change and some deeper insights into what Tom Crean knew only too well.  We are all leaders who can inspire ourselves and others. We can all make our contribution. We need that now perhaps more than ever.  In the challenge of the day, each member of the group changed in subtle and not so subtle ways.  But the fact remains, in understanding how the mind works and in coming to our senses in awareness and in a more mindful way, we can better tap into solutions and the unique positive energy and potential that we all have, in a more balanced and knowing way.    Who knows what might happen when you take that first step. You might actually arrive at your destination which in reality is very much unknown and unknowable, but in the excitement of the journey, which Morgan Freemen describes so well in “The Shawshank Redemption”.

It was a good day and after a gentle tap of the mindful stick, we scattered to continue our own individual, unique and exciting journeys.  Every story and journey also has an end. The “Me” and the “Us” were less uncertain, only because of the shared conversation and relationships built. That is really all we ever have.

Come to your senses in Kerry.

On occasions we do it instinctively. We smell and accept the sweetness of the rose. Only recently, I was leaving the house, when I was stopped in my tracks by the early morning fulsome singing of a lone thrush.  It was heartily developing the possibility of the new beginnings to be seen all about, at this time of the year.  A moment to savour. a moment of stunning beauty and simplicity.

However, in our frantic and often mindless rush to action and oftentimes, rush to closure, we may miss all of this as we pull up in front of the school to collect our beloved, in ,our 4 x 4 SUV’s which have never seen off road activity.    We may miss it when we felt the need to buy a €1200 pair of shoes which could keep a family of four going for one full year in Nepal.  We are quite simply, all of us to varying degrees mindless and unaware of the beauty that surrounds us but, also more importantly our own potential and our own responsibility.

The question really is, how do we come to our senses?  How do we become more mindful?    How do we become more confident?  How do we take full responsibility?  The answer lies in understanding the paradoxical message of mindfulness, in gaining a more complete understanding of CRAIC and finally, in taking a more solution focused approach to the journey.

While the insight to all this is here in this moment, West Kerry is where it can really come to life.  Watch this space for more details.

Mindful “Walk and Talk” in West Kerry. Summer 2010.

If you are interested in learning a little more about Mindfulness and Mindful Walking in a remote place (West Kerry), send on contact details to hugh@hoda.ie  and we will keep you on the mailing list.       Planning is currently at an early stage for a one day event in early summer.  Details to follow.  (Accomodation / Programme / Speakers etc)     Keep an eye on the blog at http://www.hoda.ie

How do you deal with your FEARS and Uncertainty?

Over the last while, this magnificent country of ours has taken a terrible battering in terms of setbacks of all kinds.    We all have been and continue to be affected.  Last week I had occasion to present at the Confidence in Action Conference – Routes to Recovery.

Listening to other speakers, it crystallized a number of things, in that while it is necessary to take the best advice from and be inspired by those who have been through the mill, it is fundamental to our own individual and very personal well being and success in the future that we all address how we individually explain and make meaning in our own world.  It is critical that we take personal responsibility for our own journey.

I have recently heard people say that they can’t trust others, that they fear failure, that they fear being judged by others and more.   This is not something that just appeared.   Sure, from an evolutionary perspective, we are psychologically hardwired to react to threat and to take appropriate action.   However, when our distorted thinking is at the level of seeing threat around us, to the extent that it undermines our confidence and performance, then I ask, how well do you know and understand how you yourself, deal with uncertainty in your life.

This is a BIG Question. It is perhaps the biggest learning and understanding that you will potentially gain in your life but the majority of people just roll along mindlessly reacting to whatever presents and otherwise distracting themselves from their true value and potential.    They then wonder why it all goes wrong even in success.

What I describe is much more than having a good plan, being logical and rational or being goal driven.   It is about knowing and fully accepting and trusting yourself.  It is about being true to yourself and those values of honesty and integrity and building (rebuilding) TRUST  .    It is about doing the right thing when in doubt.  It is about discovering your own passion and being mindful.

From the time we are born we begin to learn and develop our own mental models of how the world works.  In understanding our own personal models we can become more aware that we too have absorbed some of the negative learning. “I wouldn’t do that if I was you”.    (But, you are not me), “I know you won’t be able to do that” (Says Who) You got that wrong. (Yes, but what have I learned?)  …. And more.

The truth is you don’t have to be anything other than who you are in all your undiscovered potential. But you do have to take responsibility.  As Steve De Shazer said, “Let’s mine the past for the ore of the solution, not the detritus of the problem. Also let’s have a plan for the future and an outline (Fuzzy) appreciation of what it might look like when I get there. But and this is the nub, let’s take full responsibility for ourselves here and now and lets regain the excitement of that journey we have all been on, where while the destination might be generally known, one never knows the wonderful things that will emerge along the way.   Sure, there are aalways setbacks but this country is still a wonderful place. Yes, you can play with your attitude to make it better. You too can change.

A Mindful Charter for Well-Being and CRAIC in 2010.

• 
• I will endeavour not to be over judgemental of myself and others.
• I will try to be more patient with myself and others.
• I will approach my world around me, as if I was seeing it for the first time.
• I will approach all the challenges I face on the journey with awareness, that they are no more than exciting opportunities to learn.
• When I am in doubt, I will always trust myself to build trust.
• I will not strive to be anything other than myself.
• I will take full responsibility for my own potential to add value.
• I will not strive to the detriment of those around me and the world I live in.
• I will understand and accept that there are things within and beyond my control.
• I will understand that in letting go of over attachment to ideas, things and ideologies; I may bring a unique perspective to the world.
• I will understand that I can always choose another way.
• I will understand that I can play with my attitude.
• I will strive for authentic CRAIC.

“A Mindful Walk”.

The Paps Trek (Ciocha ANU).    Winter Solstice 2009.

The “Contrailers” and Guests were back on the Hills on Sunday to see out 2009 and also to celebrate the Celtic New Year with the Winter Solstice Trek (1 day early).  Ten hardy souls set out from Cork City at 4am and commenced the walk at 0545am, having enjoyed a warm cup of tea and the wonderful sausage sandwiches, (I can still smell them !!!) prepared out of his mobile catering wagon, by the ever warm hearted Aidan “The Brother Mac” Namara.

The white snow carpet which greeted us in the Clydagh valley was only surpassed by the stunningly clear sky full of glistening stars. There was no need for artificial illumination and the group was soon accustomed to the power of our innate night vision capabilities. As we travelled in a South to North direction over rough, frozen terrain, the emerging light of the new day was rolling in from the East, followed by a most brilliantly crimson fire red sunrise.  We gained the Western Pap by 7am and quickly set about lighting a real fire for the celebratory Winter BBQ.  Chef Derham, to the distinct surprise of the fellow travelers, produced racks of Lamb and rib eye beef from his seemingly bottomless rucksack.  We then set about a three and a half thousand year old simple feast, to celebrate the closing of the year, the ushering in of the New Year and all its excitement, possibility and potential.  This was also a celebration of our ancestors who have walked this way before us.

The feast was finished off with baked camembert and washed down by some fine, albeit well chilled red wine and some half decent brandy.

All I can say is that those who were lucky enough to be there, were moved in their own individual and special way and took away images which will warm the memory bank over the coming year. May those who walked to the Paps last Sunday, add positive and realistic meaning to all the possible challenges and success they face next year, because such potential setback and success is really only a wonderful learning opportunity along a journey, which hopefully, will have us all back to celebrate another Solstice among friends in 2010.

Happy Christmas to all Mindful walkers everywhere.

“The Christmas Conference”

On first consideration, it might seem like a bit of a chore to take in a two day conference, in London, in the lead up to Christmas and at the wind up end of the year. However, when it is an opportunity to have some CRAIC and play with your attitude then it is not to be missed.

The conference I refer to, is the 2^nd European Conference in Coaching Psychology organised splendidly over two days, by the British Psychological Society, Special Group in Coaching Psychology.  Attending from across Europe and further, were the interested and interesting of this emerging and fast moving discipline.

The challenges of developing a coherent profession were discussed and acknowledged.  Development in terms of national structures to embrace coaching psychology is not uniform.    However, in diversity there is a unity of purpose albeit at this stage fuzzy.  There was a creative energy which was both challenging and inspiring.  There was openness and an audacity to move ahead, to deliver the understanding necessary to deal with the challenges and uncertainty we face in a national, European and global context.

I had the pleasure and honour to unveil my own response to the current challenging Irish context, in terms of my coaching model CRAIC.   The theoretical understanding and psychological insights underpinning the model, very much reflect what, at the conference, I personally perceived to be, an emerging integrated approach to psychological coaching.  The world we live in is a chaordic place.   Working in a linear direction to fixed goals is not always the answer.   We do need to be flexible in our approaches and responses.

What does this model offer?   To psychologists with an inclination towards solutions and the possible, it offers a framework for insight and understanding.  For leaders and HR specialists it offers a different way of understanding their own personal styles and ways to facilitate the group.  At all levels of leadership and individual and group endeavour it offers a framework to consider the dark and bright psychological forces at work, in moving to transform the whatever into the possible.  In challenging oneself along the various dimensions of the model, change becomes the possible and even normal process that it is.

As ever, there must also be an enabling flexibility to deal with the unplanned and the uncertain.  This is challenging and can indeed tap into our base reserves of FEAR.  However, as coaching psychologists and much like everyone else, we are only left with choices.  Do we accept the challenge or not?  Are we prepared to take on a leadership role and if so what does that mean? How can we resolve both our own and our clients uncertainties in an effort to facilitate growth, learning and creativity?

Specifically from the Irish perspective, our political, religious and financial leaders might usefully move to understand the potential and implications of a psychological coaching approach to value based authentic leadership.  They might also rediscover the importance of core values like, trust and integrity.  While at it they might also give some consideration to the pressing need to enable the collective intelligence. But more of that anon.

On the journey to this conference and over the last number of months, I have indeed surprised myself in ways that I would not have previously imagined. I do now, have some reasonable understanding of how this has come to pass, but in consideration of the question why has this happened, I have not the slightest idea.  Notwithstanding, the journey continues, in the knowledge that the destination is ultimately unknowable but what excitement in playing with my attitude over the last few days in London.   Finally, I would like to wish all those I had the honour and pleasure of sharing some time and space with over the two days a Happy and Peaceful Christmas and one filled with real Irish CRAIC.   2010 will look after itself !!